Okay, so remember that guy that I was totally crushing on? Brandon? I talked about him in this journal --> Okay guys, I kinda liedOkay guys, remember when I wrote about John (the guy I told you I had a crush on) in these two journals?
Well, I just realized that he's not the one I like. I know what you're thinking. "Lizzy, you can't just switch crushes like that. They don't just come and go like seasons." I understand, but I really like the other guy okay?
His name is Brandon and he's H.O.T. hot! I realized that I do like John, but as a friend I can talk yaoi with. Brandon is the one I actually like. I only thought I liked John because he's always hanging out with Brandon.
But, now that I know this I'm glad, because I don't have to be all awkward with them. Yeah, I like Brandon and all, but I've always been good friends with them both. Besides, Brandon's kinda dense, so I honestly don't think he's noticed. I know John and my friend Tomas have, and they've asked me. Of course I've told me they're my best friends and they've promised not to say anything until either I ask Brandon ou

Well, I had been planning on asking him out during our cast party (which would've been sometime soon) but after our group disbanded (which you can read about here Really wishing I hadn't gone to Work ex. todayOkay, so just yesterday was my theatre rehearsal (since Wednesday's had been cancelled). I'm so physched to go because I have been seriously missing my friends there (it's like the only place where I can truly let go and be myself in front of other people).
So I go and I say hi to everyone and give hugs to everybody (including my crush). We start talking like old times. Then Ms. C (the teacher and one of the only people I can truly trust) says that it's time for check-in. So we head to the stage and sit in a circle. One by one we each share our stories of what happened over the break (I tell them the story of how my little brother and his friends sni) I haven't had that much time to talk to him. Like, at all. Basically, the only time we truly talked and let go was in drama, and now that that's gone, we don't talk much.

I really wanted to get us talking again, so I came up with one of the biggest things I have ever decided to do in my entire life... I decided to ask him out.

I spent this entire morning working up my courage, reading fanfics where the protagonists got together and pumping myself up. And so, after wasting a lot of time I finally said "Today is the day!"

So I get to school right? I see him by his locker and I smile and wave. He sees me and waves back. I start to make my way towards him when I see this girl I know start walking towards him as well. She grabs his hand, then when he turns to look at her...

SHE KISSES HIM!!

And he kisses her back.

Yeah, so, apparently he had a girlfriend and he didn't bother to fucking tell me even though I was one of his best friends.

Now, it's probably my fault for never asking (because I thought if I randomly asked he'd think something was up) but still... it didn't hirt any less.

Of course I played it off. I mean, how could I possibly tell him that I liked him when I saw the way he looked at her right? I just played it off, said hi too them both then walked right back down the stairs while they resumed making out.

I tried to hide my feelings, I really did, but I knew that I was really hurt. I'm pretty sure I had some kinda aura around me by the time I made it to my Art class (whihc I usually love going to). Sadly for me, my classmates decided to talk about love and relationships for the entire class. And while they were talking about love, the radio was playing various break-up/love/sex songs repeatedly. Needless to say, I practically bolted out the door when the lunch bell rang.

I'm really glad I had Work Ex in the afternoon today because I swear to fuck, those kindergarteners. I mean really, it's like they can just SENSE when something isn't right with someone. They glomped me as soon as I entered the room and covered me in hugs and giggles and fuck my day was better (at least by a little bit). And now, my siblings have come home and are making me laugh even though they have no clue what happened.

I know I'm probably overreacting and all, but this is the first time I've ever felt like this before. Like, I really liked this guy and I was really hoping that I could be in a relationship with him. I've never had a boyfriend and I was ready to change that, but guess not. It just... hurts I guess.

Sorry for my needless ranting (was it even ranting. lol I don't know).